I've cut it loose. Why? Because I had been considering it for the last few weeks. "What if I..." "What would that be like?" Just the possibility, the inclination, tickles at me and questions my impulse to detach and divert the energy into other endeavors. What would fill the void if I were to back out now? What energies lie waiting in the space created? So i did. That was five minutes ago. And here I am. Alive, breathing, sensing, feeling. I feel a little lighter in the chest and an emerging curiosity, feeling into it, feeling into what just happened and what is now a reality.
I didn't break off a relationship, ... well, I did, and a fading one at that. facebook. facecrack as my friend calls it. Source of youtube blips, memes, finding your high school friends, staying connected with your friends and community.
I feel this craving for a kind of solitude from the social-web world to immerse in creativity. My inspirations have recently been Banksy, Buckethead, Jedis, Bon Iver; examples of ways to take a step back from the consensus participation into another world, still making insertions into the field through arts or other synchronous infusions.
I feel drawn into the unknown, so it's also just as much about seeing what happens when I _______ (fill in the blank)
Visions: roaming the streets stenciling potent messages for the portlanders: "breathe" ; also, as a t-shirt. Like my dad wore in an old family video I was watching last week. Purple with elegant textured letters saying "breathe!" I think it was especially relevant and may have come into his field around when my mom was giving birth to my brother and I
SO, here we are. Still at it. Still alive. I wonder how long this will last? I would like to live into old age ... a hundred, a hundred and twenty, and on and on ... good and ripe and wisened and humoured and vital with a rich life, full and diverse, many stories, friends, family, enjoying the passing of time. Or whenever feels right. No need to put definitions on this sort of thing. It feels good to sense the energy of that desire, to live long. It distinctly shows that I am saying yes to life, not bringing about a quick ending to this experience.
That seems plenty for now. back to reading Siddhartha.